It's been sweater weather and rainy here.
I've been reading books, doing defensive driving online (oh the fun of it), working on jewelry and metal stuff. I saw the metalsmithing studio at Tech and it was amazingly new and beautiful.
I skipped town not only to visit my boyfriend, but also to isolate myself from my home. The idea of home is so ambiguous though. This city reminds me of Lancaster, CA, which I could concede made up some important years of my youth.
It's weird to be smacked in the face with such nostalgia. But it's a breathing opportunity for me. A way to reflect. Sometimes I feel like I'm abandoning the people I love the most when I go on these little excursions. And I'm always at a loss for explanation. This is just how I am, I suppose.
Maybe a humorous metaphor could be that I'm covered with starfish that represent all the things I have to do and I feel claustrophobic and deem it necessary to peel them off one by one. And then I run like the wind.
All the number of decisions I'm trying to make have become greater exponentially. I have to constantly fight my own head and internal indecisiveness: I could do that, but I could do that instead...
I'm grateful for all the chances that come my way, but sometimes I hope a door closes somewhere to help me out. Maybe then I'll be able to focus.
After all this re-evaluation, perhaps I will return to a place where I make a bit more sense and I'm more informed.
In the meantime, I'll be dancing around my room listening to music.
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